Originally, I was going to call “Shed”—the digital self-portrait collage series that prompted me to write this—“We Are Valid Because We Exist.” Why? Because I wanted to and I was working through societal concepts of validity: i.e. what it meant to be perceived as worthy of living in this body, in Western society, during these times. You know, the concepts we—Black folks, Indigenous folks, those who are not white and perceived as able-bodied—are made to believe make us worthy of resources, recognition, love, happiness, and even life. Notions like adhering to gender binaries, striving for Black excellence as defined by limited understandings of Blackness, performing femininity/masculinity for white Western gazes, stripping ourselves of our Blackness, presenting as able-bodied, only advocating for solutions within limited governmental systems, and trying to fit into concepts we know are killing us. Before I began creating what is now “Shed,” I had questions. I’ve always had questions, thank God/spirit/ancestors/the divine.
Anyway, I started the piece in October 2021 as I was relearning how to coexist with my creativity. Relearning how it felt in my body. Embracing the gifts my ancestors passed onto me. Resurfacing facts I knew as a child: that creativity is not something to be suppressed, or only presented when asked for. That creativity is something to be nurtured and welcomed into any space at any time. Unfortunately, in the name of perceived validity, I’d consciously/unconsciously (yes, it can be both) chosen to be in spaces that, by design, had me shrink and warp myself. All in order to be made legible by these harmful systems. I was over the shits.
So I started dissecting what validity meant to me in this world, at this time, in the middle of a pandemic that had taken and continues to take many lives. (Let’s talk about it! The combo of capitalism, imperialism, ableism, and government negligence continues to be a clumsy, organized force). I spoke with friends. I wrote. I read. I pulled tarot cards. And, this is what I wrote and what I’ll share:
In this current iteration of the world, sometimes our energetic life forces whisper to us softly, knowing they’ll be heard, and other times they call to us loudly, jarring us awake. Each time, they come with a different iteration of the same question. They ask us to create ourselves and our realities again, and again— until we recognize who we are, and understand that we are valid because we exist. They ask us to come into alignment with the highest expression of our many selves and the mutual highest good of all. This is our current task.
I used to think being in alignment with my energy was supposed to be easy. To have reached some white delusional concept of perfection where I didn’t fuck up, I never showed anger/discomfort/upset, and I knew every “right” way to act. Now I know it looks something like discernment. The type of discernment that can be achieved through grappling with—and getting to know—the multitudes we hold within ourselves. The type of discernment that asks us to shed, knowing that we’re worth it. The type of discernment that renders us valid as we give ourselves the freedom to feel, express, create, and exist. Discernment that helps us understand that we can “know” everything and nothing at all. Discernment that feels like tinkering and examining and pulling apart. That feels like allowing ourselves to dream—about nightmares, states of bliss, and all of the in-betweens. Being in silence. Quieting our minds. Listening.
In this current cycle of shedding and rebirth, I’ve been called to confront the many concepts, beings, images, and portals I’ve been taught to fear—including myself. I’ve been asked to recognize the inherent validity I own just by existing. I’ve been asked to open myself up to loving reminders from folks who recognize, and mirror back to me, the many ways that I—and we—are divine.
Those concerned with maintaining and working within the systems that harm us, benefit from the ways in which we succumb to asks that minimize, warp, and kill the parts of ourselves that are aligned. The parts of us that make us whole. Doing so will allow them to secure power derived from the violent byproducts of imperialism, capitalism, white delusion, cisheteropatriarchy, ableism, and the spiritual and cultural deaths that those ideologies and practices necessitate.
My experience with rejecting a need for validation from those upholding the ideologies and systems that harm us, and instead learning how to validate myself and seek validation from those who bloom alongside me, has meant that I’ve often had to learn about the parts of myself I was told, subliminally or overtly, were not worthy of loving. In doing so, I continually choose to shed. To trust the process. To embrace my fluidity in every dimension.
Daily, I welcome the reminder that I am valid because I exist. Daily, I let my spirit soak in this affirmation. So now I’m sharing it with you. Let your spirit soak it in too. Happy new moon in Aquarius✨